


Story Time

by AnathemaAuthoress



Category: Rick and Morty
Genre: Blood, Choose Your Own Adventure, Comedy, Drabble, Gen, I'm not sure where this is going, M/M, Multi, Short Chapters, Tags May Change, You are Morty, maybe? - Freeform, some paths will have plot now, whether this ends up with pairings or not will depend on you
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-05-07 12:00:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 1,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14670654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnathemaAuthoress/pseuds/AnathemaAuthoress
Summary: Wake up, Morty! Y-you gotta read this, Morty! It's imperative, Morty!





	1. Wake up, Morty!

"There isn't anything as hard to fucking navigate as a Mandorian Slurb Storm. Everything is sticky and firm in places it shouldn't be, and it sounds like fun, but it just isn't, Morty. Flying through one of those suckers winds you up with shit stuck to your windshield and gas flying out pipes and those long fingers. Those slurmy, wormy fingers, Morty! Yeah, you–you don't want to fuck with Slurb.

So I was flying through some-one of those Slurb Shitstorms and I get this real big one–real big! I get this real big one that clings to the side of the ship like your sister's hair clings to the side of the tub. I start trying to shake it off and it just goes flying. Soaring! It-it soared, Morty! It soared and it, well the point was it was off the ship but I'm spinning. I start spiraling out of control! Out of control, Morty!

So I shoot like a hockey disk–what are those? Like a-like a...hockey disk. It's round. It's a disk. It's–

What was I saying? Right. So I smash right into a wall, but it wasn't a wall. It was a planet shaped like a wall! Like the great wall of China, but greater, Morty! The Chinese they've, they've never seen anything so huge, Morty.

I got out and I found a whole world there. A whole colony of people just living on this wall. And they had a princess, Morty. A beautiful wall princess that wanted to marry–and she wanted to fuck me, Morty. She wanted to fuck me.

So did I? No. Because of this galactic cockblock, Sir Wallyington the Third. And if that name sounds stupid and made up? It's because it is! Jesus Christ, Morty! Do you believe everything you hear, Morty? I don't remember his name.

So–ngh–Sir Cockblockington is all like, 'Oh, he can't fu-he can't fuck the princess. 'Cause, on account of he's an outsider.' And I'm like, who do you think you are, Sir Fuckfacington? Lord Fancy of Hightower Wall? And he says, 'I don't remember.'

So I fucked the princess, Morty. I fucked her anyway, Morty. And she was terrible! And she wants to get married! And the moral of the story is–it's you know, don't fucking fly through Slurb whatevers. And that's why I need you to cut out my kidney, okay, kiddo? Will you do that for Grandpa? Will you cut out my kidney?"

  
[Cut out his kidney.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14670654/chapters/33893291)

[Don't cut out his kidney.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14670654/chapters/33893358)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written during word wars with the big-bangers and I don't even know. Started off stream of consciousness (sorta?) and ended up here. I think I'm going to make it a choose your own adventure since that's the punchline. I wouldn't expect it to make much more sense, but please join me for this journey. XD


	2. Kidney Slicin'

You’re still half-asleep, trying to blink the tired from your eyes and make sense of your grandfather’s babbling, when Rick shoves a scalpel into your hands. “Wait wha–? How will this–how is this supposed to help you?” you ask, baffled.

“There–there isn’t any–there’s no time to explain, Morty! Cut out my kidney! Cut it out, Morty!” He sprawls onto his back on the end of your bed and hastily pulls up his shirt. “Do it now, you little shit!”

"Oh jeez, Rick, oh god. Okay!" You poise the scalpel and bite your lower lip. You aren’t qualified for this, but you’ve made your choice.

 

[Cut into him!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14670654/chapters/37399412#workskin)

[“Roll over, Rick.”](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14670654/chapters/37399451#workskin)


	3. Chicken Shit

You can't read this, Morty, because it doesn't exist yet!


	4. First Slice

Without another thought, you cut into your grandfather’s flesh. The pale skin parts easily and blood spills forth from the wound. You cut a slit long enough for your hand.

“G-good work, Morty. Now reach in there–reach on in and find this little hunk of metal. I need you to get it out.”

“W-wait, not the whole kidney?” You’re still shaking as you clumsily hold the scalpel and he’s still bleeding as he reprimands you.

“No! What? No, you little–little idiot! You want me to die?”

“No!”

“Then reach in and pull it out!”

“Okay! Oh my god!” You take a panicky breath and shove your hand in. You start to root around the squishy organs. Everything is soft and wet. You don’t feel any metal. Come to think of it, which one of these things is the kidney anyway? You reach deeper and a pool of red gushes out of Rick’s wound. He’s looking a little pale.

“Ugh..”

“R-rick? Are you okay?” You’re still rooting like a little moron.

 

[Stop already!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14670654/chapters/37399490#workskin)

[Keep going, you’ve almost got it!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14670654/chapters/37399514#workskin)


	5. Flip It

“Roll over, Rick,” you demand firmly. If you’re going to do this, then you’re going to do it properly.

Rick stares up at you vacantly for a moment, then his eyes widen in understanding. “Yeah. Right, I was…. That was a test, Morty. You passed!” He obediently flops over like a limp fish.

You move his rumpled clothing out of the way and begin to cut into his flesh with as much precision as you can. “Oh, geez,” you mutter nervously as blood spills out over Rick’s back. Your fingers tremble and you consider stopping, but Rick’s calm voice urges you on.

“Slip your hand in and pull out the metal piece,” he instructs, voice muffled slightly by your bedspread.

You figure this extraction is now the goal, rather than removing the whole kidney. That’s a relief! Still, a daunting task rests before you. All you can manage is a high pitch squeal as you slip your hand into the incision and begin to feel around his soft organs. Rick emits a series of whimpering and grunting sounds and you wonder how often he roots through his insides. Then you feel it! You take hold of the piece of metal and–

 

[Yank!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14670654/chapters/37399550#workskin)

[Wiggle.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14670654/chapters/37399577#workskin)


	6. Good Call

Rick is way too quiet. You pull your hand out in a panic and cover his wound with a pillow and apply pressure. “Shit, shit,” you curse, close to tears. “Rick!”

You shake him with one hand while the other holds the pillow in place. Eventually he replies groggily, “Wha–?”

“You’re dying, stupid!” you shriek. Through sheer force of will you manage to get him up and fumbled into the lab. You hand him a couple of pills he gestures toward.

They take hold at once and his pupils go wide and black and he is overwhelmed with energy. He shoots himself up with something, seals his wound, and slices a new one in his back. From it he extracts the metal clump.

You watch the whole display, feeling guilty for almost killing your grandfather.

“You’re useless, Morty. I should’ve done it myself,” Rick mutters as he rubs the freshly sealed wound. Then a sly grin replaces his frown. “F-fuck it! Do you know what this is, Morty?”

 

[“Some kind of insect?”](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14670654/chapters/37399757#workskin)

[“A spy chip?”](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14670654/chapters/37399778#workskin)

[“I dunno, Rick. I’m kinda tired.”](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14670654/chapters/37399811#workskin)


	7. Persistent Little Devil

Rick doesn’t respond but you are determined to finish what you started! You dig and dig until, nearly elbow deep, you find the lump of iron. You pull it out victorious and laugh, “Look, Rick! I found it!”

Rick doesn’t reply. He’s ghost white. Your sheets are drenched in blood. You’ve killed your grandfather.

**(Congratulations! You’ve unlocked bad ending one: _Unqualified Surgeon!_ You’re a terrible grandson. Try a different path to achieve a better outcome. Don’t worry, there are plenty of Ricks to go around.)**


	8. Good, Hard Tug

You yank on the fragment as hard as you can! It comes lose right away and flies free with your hand, but Rick lets out a horrible scream of pain.

He jolts straight off your bed and snatches the metal from you. He’s panting, wide-eyed. He looks like he might want to strike you or scream. Instead he just growls, “Fuck, fuck. Morty, fuck that hurt. I’m just gonna–I’m gonna go to the lab.”

“I’ll–“

“No! I mean, you stay here.” He seems more alert suddenly, sobered a bit. “Get some sleep, Morty.” Still bleeding, he stalks out of your room.

Disappointed, but with nothing left to do, you lie back down.

**(Congratulations! You’ve unlocked neutral ending one: _Yankin’ It._ You were too hasty and hurt your grandpa! Rick decided not to take you on a mission, because he’s too drunk to deal with you. Try again for a different path!)**


	9. Nice and Easy

You wiggle the metal back and forth until it pops free. “Ahah!” You pull out the metal bug and hold it up triumphantly.

Rick groans and rolls over, holds his coat against the wound in his back. “Good work, Morty! Let’s get to the lab so–before I bleed out. ‘Cause that’d be terrible, Morty. It’d be...it’d be...really bad.” You stares pointedly at you, almost accusingly, before standing and ushering you both downstairs and to the garage.

Once there, he makes quick work of sealing the wound with some kind of laser before reaching out and snatching the metal hunk from your still bloody fingers.

“You did good, Morty. You did real, real good. Do you have any idea what this is?”

 

[“Some kind of insect?”](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14670654/chapters/37399757#workskin)

[“A spy chip?”](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14670654/chapters/37399778#workskin)

[“Do YOU have any idea what time it is?”](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14670654/chapters/37399787#workskin)


	10. Shot in the Dark

There's nothing here yet, Morty! Come back later, Morty!


	11. Paranoid

You can't read this, Morty, because it doesn't exist yet!


	12. Testy Tired

You can't read this, Morty, because it doesn't exist yet!


	13. Worn Out

You can't read this, Morty, because it doesn't exist yet!


End file.
